Scrubs Wars Episode III: Revenge of The Janitor
by tsukiryoushi
Summary: JD is finally fed up with Janitor constantly tormenting him and decides to get even. But, is he just letting himself fall into another one of Janitor's traps? Oneshot


This here is a Scrubs one-shot which was written for a DeviantART contest. The theme is to do something depicting a new and original way for Janitor to torment JD, and here's my idea. I hope you like it, as its my fisrt real attempt at a Scrubs fanfiction. Enjoy!

Scrubs Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Janitor

_Another fine day at Sacred Heart, _JD thought to himself, as he entered the hospital that morning. _Or at least, it would be if it weren't for that Janitor…_

No sooner did JD walk in then he came face-to-face with his bitter rival, Janitor, who stood leaning on his mop right in JD's way.

"Um, could you please excuse me?" JD asked innocently.

"Oh, what?" Janitor asked, in an offended tone. "Mr. Big-shot Doctor thinks he owns the whole building, and can just tell everyone where they can, or can't stand?"

"No…" JD replied slowly. "I just wanted to get by, and asked if you would excuse me, but if not then I'll go around."

"Oh, so now you're gonna avoid me." Janitor continued. "Because I'm just a lowly janitor, and not worthy of your time, is that it?"

Not knowing how to respond, JD simply moved around Janitor and walked away. "That guy is not right in the head…" He muttered.

Later, when lunchtime came around, JD hurriedly got his food and took a seat in the cafeteria next to Turk. Across from them at the table sat Doug "the Nervous Guy" and The Todd.

"Dude," The Todd said excitedly. "I operated on this guy awhile ago, and his wife was hott! I wouldn't mind performing an exploratory surgery on her, know what I'm saying? Give the Todd some love!" The Todd raised his hand and Turk begrudgingly gave him a high-five.

"So, what's up with you today?" Turk asked JD, who seemed lost in his thoughts (or more so than usual, at least.) "You've been really quiet today. You haven't even been bugging Dr. Cox as much as usual."

"Oh, that must be why that annoying ringing in my ears has stopped!" Dr. Cox said, as he walked past their table.

"Oh, it's that Janitor!" JD replied. "He keeps bothering me, and I just can't figure out why!"

"Dude, you gotta stop being so paranoid about the janitor." Turk said with a shake of his head. "He is not that bad."

"No, no… he's worse!"

"Hey, you guys hear about that weird theft today?" Doug asked. "Apparently someone stole a lot of urine samples, and no one can figure out where they went."

"Oh, I don't know about that." Janitor said, as he walked up. At the same time, JD took a sip of his soda. "Actually, they could be a lot closer than we think… Not that I would have had my buddy Troy dump the urine into someone's food or something." After hearing that, JD's eyes went wide and he spit out his soda. "You know, hypothetically speaking." Janitor added innocently, giving a chuckle as he walked off.

"Janitor…" JD growled, as he pushed away his food in disgust.

"JD, the janitor did not put urine in your food." Said Turk.

"Yeah, maybe not…" JD admitted. "But he's still out to get me. If only I could just get to him, first!"

_And that's when inspiration struck. _JD thought, as an idea formed in his head.

"Oh no." Said Turk, who looked worriedly at his friend. "JD, you're not gonna try to pull a prank on the Janitor, are you? Cause you totally got that 'when inspiration strikes' look on your face."

"Turk, my friend," Said JD, who now had a devious smile on his face. "I am about to pull the greatest prank of all time on that janitor, and get him off my back once and for all!"

"JD, look at me." Turk looked seriously at JD and said "Do not do something stupid that's just gonna drag you into another crisis which I have to bail you out of."

"Oh please, when have I ever gotten into a situation like that?" Turk frowned at JD. "Okay… don't answer that. But trust me, this will work. It's foolproof!"

Later, after he had finally convinced Turk to help him, JD snuck to Janitor's closet, and opened it to find his supply cart. With Turk's help, he snuck it out of the closet and up to the roof, where JD had built an elaborate pulley system to hoist the cart up and let it hang over the hospital parking lot.

"When Janitor sees this, he's gonna freak!" JD said triumphantly. "And then he'll know not to mess with the J-Dizzle!"

"I thought we agreed you were never gonna use that again." Turk groaned. But when he looked over at their handiwork, he couldn't help but grin a little. "Actually JD, this isn't that bad. I was afraid you were gonna do something that would have a negative affect on both of us."

"Yeah, you just gotta learn to have some faith in me." JD said, as he gave the cord supporting the cart a twang. "I'm not a complete idiot, you know."

But no sooner did he say that then the cord snapped, and the cart fell to the ground. JD and Turk quickly looked down and winced when it crashed right into—you guessed it—Janitor's van.

Several people rushed out to see what was going on, and when they saw the totaled van they all looked up to the roof at JD.

"Um… think we might be in trouble?" He asked. But when he didn't hear a reply he turned to see Turk was long gone already. "Coward!"

JD frowned and turned to look back down, but gasped to see Janitor himself inspecting the damage. Slowly, he backed away from the edge of the roof and made his way downstairs before he was spotted.

_Okay JD, calm down, _He thought to himself as he walked down the hall. _You're gonna be fine. There's no way he'll know it was you._

Suddenly, Janitor stepped into JD's way and looked down at him. "I know it was you." He said bluntly.

_Damn it! _"H-how do you know that," JD asked, as sweat began to pour down from his fore-head. "I mean… d-did you see anything?"

"Nope." Janitor replied, reaching into his pocket. "But I did happen to get some snapshots from my secret camera installed on the roof!" Janitor handed a photograph to JD, clearly depicting his hoisting the supply cart over the parking lot.

"Why did you install a secret camera on the roof…?" JD asked confusedly.

Just then, Carla and Elliot walked up and glared at JD. "How could you destroy Janitor's van?" Elliot demanded.

"Bambi, what were you thinking?!" Carla asked, placing her hands on her hips.

"B-but I didn't mean to do it!" JD said defensively. "The cord snapped!"

Elliot shook her head in disgust. "JD, this was very, very low of you! I know you have something against the poor Janitor, but to take it this far?"

"No, no," Janitor said, placing a hand on JD's shoulder. "Don't be too hard on him. I guess I haven't been all that friendly with the guy… still, who'd have thought he'd steal my supply cart and drop it on my only means of transportation?" Janitor breathed a heavy sigh.

"Aw, Janitor you are being too nice to him." Said Carla.

"I know, kindness is my biggest weakness. But don't worry; I'll be fine… eventually."

Elliot gave a sympathetic "Aww…" and put her arm around Janitor's. "Come on Janitor, let's got have some coffee. Maybe I can cheer you up."

"Thanks," Janitor replied with a smile. "I'd really appreciate that."

Janitor and Elliot walked away, arm-in-arm, and Carla shot JD a final glare before she walked away, too.

"But I didn't mean to do it!" JD called after them. He sighed and turned to a nearby door. "You can come out now."

Slowly, the door opened and Turk stuck his head out. "Carla's gone?" He asked.

"Yes…" JD replied.

Turk walked out and gave JD an apologetic look. "Sorry about that, Man, but if Carla knew I had anything to do with this…"

"Yeah, yeah. Everyone hates me, but at least you still get sex. How great for you."

"What are you mad at me for? You're the one who wrecked the Janitor's van."

"I didn't mean to! How many times do I have to say that?!"

"Well, Dude, you've gotta admit the whole thing is suspicious. I mean, you stole his cart, and then just happened to drop it on his van?"

JD glared at Turk, as though he'd just stabbed him in the back. "You know what Turk? I expected my friend to at least believe me… but I guess I was wrong."

JD turned and stormed away, before Turk could stop him.

_In a situation like this, it's hard to find a sympathetic friend to lend you their ear. _JD thought to himself a little later. _And when I found myself in that situation, I decided I needed to seek out that friend. But the problem was: who could never be angry with me no matter what I do?_

"Newbie, why exactly are you bothering me with this?" Dr. Cox asked, as he checked a patient's chart.

"I just need to know that at least one person believes me." JD replied, as he followed his mentor through the ICU. "You do believe me, don't you?"

"To be honest Jasmine, I couldn't care less about your feud with the janitor, or whether or not you totaled his van. In fact, I could care less about you, in general."

"But you do care, right?" JD asked hopefully.

Cox just groaned in annoyance and turned to JD. "Lookit. So you screwed up and everyone hates you. Get over it, because God knows everyone else will. Knowing you, you'll do something to tick the janitor off sooner or later, he'll stuff you in a garbage can or something, you'll whine about it, and everything's back to normal. Am I getting through to you?" JD was about to answer, but Dr. Cox stopped him with a shrill whistle. "Good! Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got lives to save." With that, Dr. Cox walked off.

_And just like that, _JD thought. _The answer became crystal clear. If I wanted everything back to normal, I had to provoke the Janitor and reveal his true nature!_

The next day, at lunch time, JD told his plan to Turk, as they filled their treys. "So, once he reacts, everything will go back to normal." He explained. "Pretty smart, huh?"

"JD," Turk replied. "What I'm about to say, I say with love… You are an idiot!"

JD just sighed and shook his head. "Turk, it can't fail! Trust me, Janitor will take anything as an insult." JD looked over and spotted his adversary talking to Elliot a short distance away. "There he is now. Time to get to work!"

"I can't watch…" Turk grumbled, walking away to sit with Carla.

JD, however, was undeterred. He approached Janitor, as everything—at least in his mind—went in slow motion.

Janitor noticed JD coming, and the two stared each other down. You could almost swear that an old western theme was playing in the background. Well, actually it was. Ted and his band were humming the theme to "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" nearby.

Finally, JD was a mere three feet away from Janitor, and, with a defiant look, threw his food to the ground.

"JD, what are you doing?" Elliot demanded.

"Oh don't worry," JD replied, never taking his eyes off of Janitor. "Let the Sasquatch here clean it up." Everyone in the room gasped dramatically. The comment seemed to get to Janitor, because his eye twitched. "You heard me," JD continued. "Get to work, Lurch. Chop-chop!"

Janitor looked JD square in the eyes, clenched his jaw, squared his shoulders and said… "Sure thing. Just let me get my mop."

"Ah-ha! I— Say what…?" JD asked, suddenly seeming to deflate.

"Yeah, I'll clean it up right away." Janitor continued cheerily. He turned to Elliot with an apologetic look. "Sorry, guess I have to take a rain check on lunch." Janitor turned and walked out of the room, whistling a cheery tune.

JD, meanwhile, could all but feel the glares from everyone in the room burning into his skull. "But… but he was supposed to… I didn't…"

"JD, you jerk!" Elliot said with a frown. She punched him hard in the arm and stormed off.

Just then, Dr. Cox walked by, chuckling to himself. "Thanks for the show there Eva." He said.

JD looked frantically around the room, but met with only glares of hate, or looks of disgust. Even Turk shook his head in shame.

"…Oh man…" JD grumbled, as he sheepishly walked away.

Later that night, as he was about to go home, JD saw Janitor in the parking lot and heaved a sigh.

_I guess there comes a time in every man's life when he has to suck it up and admit defeat. _He thought, as he approached Janitor. _Who knows? Maybe after this he'll back off a bit._

JD stepped up to Janitor and, after heaving another sigh, began to speak. "Look, I'm… I'm sorry about earlier. And I'm really sorry about your van."

"Eh, don't worry about it." Janitor replied, as he leaned against a brand new Mercedes Bens. "What's done is done."

JD nodded, but when he noticed the Mercedes he stared at it. "Is… is this your car?" He asked.

"Yup, she's mine alright." Janitor replied proudly. "I bought her with the insurance from my van. Boy, it's a good thing I had her insured against freak cart accidents just the morning before you dropped my supply cart on it, huh?"

"You… you what?"

"Yup. Oh, and just some advice: if you ever decide to pull a practical joke on someone and you tell your buddy, you might want to check the vents to make sure no one is eaves dropping. You know…hypothetically speaking."

JD thought a moment before the realization finally hit him. "No way… you mean you… you…?"

"I what?" Janitor asked. "I knew what you were planning, so I insured my van, parked it in a certain spot and sabotaged your pulley so that the cart would destroy my van, all in an elaborate scheme to torment you? Come on, I'm not that smart." Janitor thought for a minute, then shook his head. "Ah, who'm I kidding? I am that smart. See ya tomorrow!" Janitor hopped into his new car and drove off, splattering mud all over JD.

And as JD stood there, covered in mood, just one thought passed through his mind:

…_Damn that Janitor!_


End file.
